i'm tryna fade everyone and everything that doesn't serve me, get back in that fuckin mode during winter break
and move thru next semester on that shit again.
ruthless.
i'm done entertaining anything else.
"adjust to the loneliness. it's you and your product"
it's like that deep down, then you engage.
all you got is that.
you, your product, family, and god.
—
since i was a kid drawing there were friends around me who watched me draw and say that shit was fire.
i wish i could do that, i wish i could do this, and i wanted friends to share this process with so i was like "you can!!!"
maybe that's why i'm always tellin people who aren't doing SHIT that they CAN DO IT.
cuz i want homies to do it with.
but i've realized you can NOT DRAG ANYONE UP WITH YOU.
if you try to, all of y'all gon drown.
and if u don't drown, you're surely going to move so fucking slow.
it's painful in the periods when i'm alone, but it has been when i moved fastest. when i was the most on top of my shit. when i had the MOST RESPECT FOR MYSELF.
cuz it all came from within.
bein around mfs made me start entertaining that. and now i see how mofuckers can get stuck living the same 6 MONTHS FOR A FUCKING DECADE lost in the cycles of people-pleasing mental masturbation and chillin
things are going well, elhamdulillah.
but a huge amount of that is up to my blessings and NOT MY FUCKING ACTIONS.
in honesty, i look back at the past 4 months and i see FAILURE.
and not the good kind of failure, of reaching your limit and then dropping the weight, getting rejected, etc.
i'm saying a fucking failure to be the man i was designed by god to be.
i was a fucking boy.
it's completely my own fault.
but it's CORRELATED to giving a fuck about what other people think and spending so much time and emotional energy into other people.
mannn fuck that shit.
2026 is on go mode. it's genuinely ruthlessness that's necessary.
and if you see me, that won't mean i act like an asshole or say some fuckshit.
it's going to be private, small decisions.
no, i'm not going to that. nah, ima do this on my own. i don't really need to talk about what i'm working on with you. i don't really need to unpack all your shit with you, i got my own problems and adventures to deal with. and i don't need your validation or to tell me i can do anything. and i don't have any time to sit in the mediocrity of others and invest energy in this shit as a unit.
i gotta make sure i'm UP.
if you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time around, i want that shit to be insane next semester.
and if i can't find that right five, i'd rather it be one person i'm around,
and that person be my fucking self.
if this sound targeted, it ain't
it's targeted to my self, a note to prioritize my peace progress and rythym at all costs, and just to recognize that it's significantly more difficult to do exceptional things when that requires exceptional inputs and habits and midnsets, which means you either need to uplift all of that for EVERYONE YOU SPEND TIME WITH, OR you need to FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE THE GRATEFUL SAVAGES.
or you need to do that shit alone. for a season.
and i ain't got time to uplift ANYONE except my SELF unless it's with someone seeing my WORK.
cuz that shit compounds into greatness AND impact.
heavy relationships, socialization you gotta carry only compounds into a longer, heavier, unsuccessful journey.
great relationships - that shit makes the journey a fucking SUCCESSFUL BLAST.
so it's that or nothing.
and that's going to look very different from what you're used to.
i really fuck with the song BETTER ALONE by Lancey Foux.
Gotta be honest to you, baby, I can't lie Gotta be honest to you my *****, I can't lie, yeah I know I'm here but, I go missing in my mind, yeah I owe you explanations, I owe you some time, yeah You know I love you, I'm just better alone
having avoidant tendencies and ambitious thoughts seems to often lead to this outcome of makin human relations EVEN MORE NUANCED AND CHALLENGING THAN IT IS TO NAVIGATE
i'd love to reach the point where i don't have to relate to that anymore.
I'd love to be on some JAY-Z shit with the line from Feelin' It (feat Mecca)
If every ***** in your clique is rich, your clique is rugged Nobody will fall 'cause everyone will be each others crutches
and having a soulmate that actually fucking FITS THE VISION
but till then,
i gotta get used to solitude again.
i been there before.
it's tuff sometimes, but it's so much better than shared mediocrity.
to look around and be like "yeah we all fucked and losers but at least we got each other"
maybe there's a correlation there.
we all around each other so we stay fucked and losers.
you gotta invest in your self.
this what's on my mind rn.
ima keep it in mind, take that as a point to focus, and protect my energy, not be an autistic asshole
moral of the story: to ambitious people adjust to the loneliness. it's you and your product. family and god. but it's really you.
and then share the abundance with OTHER ABUNDANT MFS
but make sure you get to that point.
that's what winter arc is about now.
never "dragging" anyone to do shit anymore.
*p.s. i see the nuances to this take. ion wanna be on some negative scarce shit.
i think this selectivity is necessary.
but i'm still figuring out the balance
i think you need both
an abundant generous positioning, but also a ruthlessness in selection to ensure SUCCESS.
cuz u can die tryna save everyone and yourself
or u can GET TO A GREAT PLACE and uplift others with the overflow.