thus begins the playfigther journey. the reason i started this challenge is because i got a little fucked. the days started slipping by, i felt i lost a reign on the bounds of time and energy, and that i wasn’t mastering my fate or my soul or my body anymore.
i came here with visions to execute. i had prerogatives, this is what i’ll do, this is the impact i’ll make, etc.
instead, of that, i find myself wrestling with a new challenge, and lesson.
in chicago, my environment had very few factors. i would wake up, and it was so easy to do the right things.
in the real world, it’s a little hard to do the right things.
for me, the right things are sleeping early, waking up early, training my body, shipping creative work, eating the right amount of food, praying, and writing.
when i don’t do those things, my life loses all foundation. my confidence becomes hollow. my excitement and peace and joy of being in this world dissipates.
and it’s a downward spiral.
as you go down, your DESIRE to do the right things decreases.
you don’t FEEL like working out, or writing, or making things, or praying, or waking up the way you used to love it. because you find yourself too far from the magnetic field. this is more towards rock bottom.
but if you’ve tasted how good it feels to have your shit together, then you do have something to rely on, and cling to, as you rebuild your self and your life.
knowlege.
you won’t feel like doing the right things. but you’ve already been through this cycle before, so you KNOW that just DOING those things will GENERATE the positive FEELINGS again eventually, after which you can just follow your instinct everyday and just be a fucking beast automatically.
so on day 2 of this 1,000 day project, you find me trying to get back in THAT MODE.
i started this 1,000 day project for playfighter as a constant reminder to myself that time is passing. 1,000 days looks so small when you put it into a grid of boxes. but that’s what we have. i set my sights on a beautiful life for when i'm 22. it’s a concrete number of hours before i turn 22. and i don’t want to waste them. i don’t want to get bogged down by negative emotions and then stay in that swamp for 10 years and then suddenly wake up at 30 and get my life together.
i’m doing it now.
i have too much to offer before i turn 30. i’m 18. i want the next 12 years to be productive and fucking incredible. i want to set it up so that my life only becomes more beautiful, more interesting, more healthy, more wealthy, more connected, more aligned, more joyful, more dear to me than it already is, every single fucking day.
and that starts with treating each day the way it’s meant to be treated.
with the utmost importance.
the man who wastes a single hour has not yet discovered the value of life.
at the age of 18, i can tell you a few actions that, when included in my day, creates a great day, which then compounds into a great life
- writing
- training
- making something i want to see
- sleeping before 10pm
- waking up before 5
- working toward a vision
- talking with somebody i love
- eating healthy whole foods
- reading
- listening to music
- exploring, even just a little, be it alone or with someone i love
- praying, or having a conversation with god, or my soul, depending on the hour
- having a cup of coffee
that’s really the bread and butter i can think of everything else is superfluous
when i live like that, my days are fun, enjoyable, interesting, beautiful. i love them. and there is no tax which i must pay to live that which i am not prepared to pay for.
i’m willing to give up the sharp dopamine spikes of poisonous pleasures i’m willing to give up the false warmth offered by conforming to the masses i’m willing to give up the false reassurance associated with following “the default path” i’m willing to give up the midnight hours which i have only ever spent in useless cogitation and self-loathing or mindless “fun” with people who valued feeling good or at least not bad in the moment over havnig a beautiful early peaceful morning and productive day tomorrow i’m willing to give up the highly processed food and media which pervades the minds and bodies of most of our society, destroying imagination and wellbeing i’m willing to give up the mindless heartless sex and substance abuse and evasion and coping and silent despair that runs through the veins of a generation of lost souls.
and i find so much gratitude, and peace in the fact that i can point out these enemies, and i can point out these proper courses of action at such a young age.
i truly am young. 18 years old. and to have learned these lessons, to have truly mapped out a list of ingredients to the beautiful peaceful loving exciting generous life that i envision building, this is such a blessing.
it means i have no excuse. it means i have no room for failure. it means i have no fear, because i see it. i see the vision. i see what it takes.
all it ever takes for me is to be in touch with the whispers of my soul, my deepest being, and to listen carefully, and the right answers are always there.
since about 16, i think, i have enjoyed the gift of being able to go into solitude, be it a walk or a quiet morning in my abode, to sit quietly and listen to my self, or my heart, or my intution, or the universe, or god, or whatever the source is,
and to come up with the right answer, or the right direction, to move in.
and what i need to do, is keep the vision in mind. i need to see the limited time i have. i need to make sure that each day, in each hour, in each moment, i am being conscious that life is happening right now, the moment is kissing me then leaving eternally, and i need to pay attention, enjoy the kiss, give my whole being into that kiss, and do that eternally.
and my whole life will be spent making love. creating love. building love. fighting for love.
but to do that i need to fight off the distractions. i need to obliterate them. i need to summon an army of discipline, strategy, focus, friendships, lovers, habits, decisions, and will to mobilize against the Resistance.
that is what i intend to do.
to fight.
to fight for my life.
to fight for a life that feels like play.
it requires being mindful, disciplined, focused, to have self-knowledge, to have a clear vision in mind of what beauty means to you, to have the power to say no, and to sit through discomfort and pain with a smile knowing that this is in service of something you love.
so today, after writing this ____, i will lean on my knowledge of what is just, beautiful, and conducive to my vision, and execute - without regard to how i FEEL.
because i KNOW.
i know what i want, i know what i need, i know my vision so intimately, i know what it takes to build it, and i know that i can.
and i know the only logical conclusion from those conditions is that i will.
build a life of play.
build a beautiful life.